TWICE A CHILD
My black lifeless eyes
Bleary
Drained
Gaze at the bleached white ceiling
Antiseptic aroma
Sterile environment
My body
Limp
Eerily detached
The kind nurse tries in vain for left arm pay dirt
I suggest my right
The tourniquet tightens
My fist
A ball of white knuckles
WARNING MY FRIEND:
If medical reality makes you queasy
Simply stop reading at this point
I watch in awe
As the needle plunges into my swollen purple vein
Demerol River on its way to the rescue
Saline cutter for effect
“You will feel a bite baby”
I never felt a thing
Just the fierce rhythmic pounding in my skull
A yearlong haunting spell
I have noticed with interest
The longer this cranial malaise besieges me
The less my lower body compensates
Dramatic loss of motor skills
Prior intelligible mastery
Reduced to guttural gibberish
Once, a skilled ballet
Now uncoordinated hoedown
It is a bit uncomfortable
To vomit uncontrollably at work
Is it possible?
I ponder
The fierce domination of misery in my skull
Has sapped the life from the rest of my limbs?
My perceived mastery of control
Returns quickly to the helplessness of a child
Rubber and unfettered
The more disintegrated I become
The more shelter I seek within my mind
Dysfunction breeds curiosity
I am fascinated dear reader
How quickly we fall to ruination
Only to be cuddled in God’s glowing bosom
A rite of passage perhaps
Human knee jerk
Designed to deal with trauma
The amber current forged through my vascular system
Sleep came easy
After many years of struggling
I was suddenly floating on a painless cloud of rest
I wonder if Demerol is used in heaven.
Calm down my recovery friends.
No worries of a relapse. Been there and done that
God needs me whole and focused to finish this mission
I am merely sharing this trip with you
In unmitigated audacity
This is biting stuff
Real world material man
I share my death as I bestow my life
Not saying I’m right
Just telling you I am here
And banging away at the task He has given me
Peace
Ephesians 5:8-9 (New International Version)
8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)
©Bill Grimes Jr. 2006
